My mystery tomatoes!

Well, I’ve certainly got me some mystery tomatoes anyway. Don’t know what they will turn out to be. Not even sure if they are hybrids or heirlooms. I got them…

One overcast, windy day this spring. I had been out and about when I decided to visit a local eatery to enjoy a cool beverage and maybe a little gossip. There was a lady that works there, which for the sake of privacy, I’ll call Sandy. A woman who knows pretty much everything that is going on in the town where I live.

As I entered and sat down at the bar, I noticed there was just a scattering of patrons sitting nearby. I idly speculated that the weather was a likely cause of the sparse attendance. My friend, Sandy, sauntered over and took my order for an O’Doul’s near beer and then sauntered away heading in the direction of the cooler. While I waited for my drink, I tried to get the attention of a local sitting a few stools away, but to no avail. (Some people, I observed are actually quite deaf. That sort of thing happens quite frequently to me as of late).

As I re-focused my attention to the front, Sandy came back holding my beverage in one hand and a rather cumbersome box in the other. The glass of near beer went on my left and the box right under my nose. Inside were four plastic pots, each with three to four tiny plants sticking up in brave fashion. I looked up and remarked, “Uh, are these tomato plants by chance?” This was a loaded question because it was obvious to me that the four pots inside the box could only be members of the Solanaceae family as the stems were covered with tiny hairs.

“Yeah,” she responded and the arched her eyebrow in my direction. “Ya want these or not?” A small crease began to form on the bridge of her nose as she waited for my response. I knew I had to tread very carefully when I answered.

“Why sure,” I gushed. “They look really cool too. Uh, what variety are they?” This last question just popped idiotically out of my mouth. I was trying to cover myself from the shock of getting a gift, any gift from anyone at all. As I asked the question, I casually fingered one of the little plants only to see it keel over dead.

“Hey, look out what you’re doing there!” Sandy shouted loudly enough that a few customers looked up and took notice. The force of her breath also caused another tiny plant to give up the ghost. Damn.

“Sorry about that,” I recanted as I quickly withdrew my finger. “I was just curious as to the nature of these plants. So are they, umm, determinate or indeterminate?” Opps, another foo-pah on my part.

“Indetermin-what,” she retorted. Now one hand went to her hip. (As a youth, my mom used to do the same thing right prior to whacking me across the top of my head). Sandy then leaned forward so that her head was centered over the top of the box and just inches from mine. She looked like a coiled snake ready to strike. I think I looked like a rabbit with the sweats.

“These here are termaters and that’s all I know buddy. My kids picked them out at the nursery, and then they mixed the seeds all up when we got home. Who knows what the hell they are! So, you want em or not!” This last statement punctuated with a fist soundly hitting the top of the table right next to the box. Inside, the little plants rocked up into the air and then plopped back down in disarray. I’m pretty sure there were more causalities as a result.

I thanked her profusely and in a manner that could only be described as subservient, then backed out of the establishment as fast as my dignity would allow. And that is how, my dear reader, I ended up with mystery tomatoes that will develop into God knows what. 

I promise to do a follow up this summer when they develop into whatever they will become!
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May 16 followup - After a month of growing, here is a picture of the mystery plants I got from a friend. Shortly after this picture was taken, the tomatoes were divided up into separate pots. Because they were so close together, when I separated them there was not much in the way of roots for each. I will assume they will go into shock as a result and plant to leave them inside for a few days to recover.